I woke up around two this morning. Last night, my heart was overwhelmed with burdens. At two-thirty something, I woke up with a sense of peace and excitement. I don’t know how to describe it. I had a dream about working. I’m currently stage managing, teaching, and costuming with CYT and as stressed as I am, I am just SO passionate about pouring my creative heart into something that is far bigger than my own inspiration. I used to have nightmares every time I felt burdened or stressed, but my nightmares have become little moments or memories. I am very thankful that my rest is so much more peaceful now.
The fact that I woke up with a sense of both urgency and peace is a perfect way to describe my current situation. I love where I am in life right now. I love everything I am doing. But, I also need moments to collect myself and recognize the selfishness that comes from doing what I love far too much and neglecting my own basic needs. I know that sounds contradictory, but I truly need to find balance. I’m quite a turbulent soul. I am also a very selfish and broken soul, who wants so badly to serve the Lord. I cannot, however, serve Him well if my motivations are selfish. I need to find a healthy barrier between enjoying serving so much that I neglect other things and accepting help that the Lord brings to me.
I am writing this post at 5 am after getting only a few hours of sleep, and yet its the most restful i’ve felt in weeks. Maybe my spirit has not been attentive due to the fact that my relfection time and my alone time have been cut short by my constant desire to prove myself. Ugh. This is a mistake I make regularly. We live and we learn.
Today will be an amazing day. I will care for people not just because I simply love it, but because I have spent intentional rime this morning to be at peace and to get my mind together. I have a stronger ability to love people in a way that is steadfast today, I can anticipate needs better, I can be more gentle and understanding because I rested today. I am thankful.
I am going to continue choosing to be thankful today. Gratitude combats negativity, discontentment, insecurity, bitterness, and an overall lack of joy. I am going to choose gratituide in moments I feel overwhelmed. I am going to choose gratitude when I am combatted with difficult challenges. I am going to choose gratitude when my heart starts to wonder how I will be able to get everything done. This blog post is more of just a personal conviction at this point.
Today, to start of my gratitude, I want to share that I am so SO thankful that when I walked into my kitchen this morning, I was overcome with noistalgia. The smell of changing seasons, filled me up. It was so renewing. Totally changed my outlook on the day. :)